A MORNING WALK CAN DO SO MUCH MORE

Am just standing out the gate of the house, not yet walking. I don’t know, things just sweep into my brain and get me into thinking mode just like that. I can’t put it aside, nope, because it won’t let me until I get it all sorted out clear through.

For instance, I look down at my walking shoes and I see just how good it is to have one as perfect as this. It hugs my ankle firm and its thick soles lets me go over gravel and stones with ease. I’d like to think that a person should arm himself with that kind of attitude – firm and thick. Oh yes, firm in his values or goals with thick or solid principles which certainly will help him walk through life’s challenges with no or minimal difficulty.

I look up and see the road I will be walking on stretching out before me. At this starting point of my one-hour-walk, the road I see is quite smooth wide and paved. As I go farther down it, the road changes its terrain. Cracked and uneven in some parts, blotched with pebbles, stones, and rocks in another, and strewn with nature’s mess --- bird droppings, dogs’ shit, fallen leaves and fruits rotting on the ground. I must look like a funny sight skipping over the shit or zigzagging my way through, over, or around the mess. Doesn’t that remind you so much of life – this life journey we each embark on? Sometimes we get it fun and pleasurable; at times it becomes so disjointed and utterly aggravating with odd situations; and then in some again it gives us the darn annoying and maddening circumstances which try our patience and test our resolve. We get it all, don’t we, in this uneven terrain we travel on. But when faced with such challenges, I fall back on the famous words of Michael Jordan ---

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

There’s so much I can see in that walk, so much like life itself. But uncannily when I get to the end of my hike and am back home where I started, I get this feeling that nothing has ended but simply stands on temporary ‘freeze’ -- poised to resume again with the next morning walk. And that’s what happens on my next walk. The walk comes to life again with fresh observations, insights, perceptions, and learning. It’s never the same experience every time. Always something new unfolds itself before my eyes. It pays to pay attention.

WE CHANGE IN LAYERS

At the mall one fine afternoon, I came across my childhood friend who I hadn’t seen for quite a long time. He was quick to recognize me and did it with a rousing bear hug.....

“Heyyy, pumpkin, great to see you!!” Ugh! He still calls me that. Seeing my grimace he laughed “You’ll always be pumpkin to me. By the way, meet my wife, Liza”.

I shrieked with surprise and delight when I saw her as she came walking towards us – Liza, my pal in school! We were buddies in our last year. "So this is why you hadn’t been in touch all these years!”

She laughed heartily showing her familiar dimples. “We moved to San Francisco after the wedding. I didn’t know where to write you then because you were nowhere to be found, silly!”

“Yeah, I got busy with a job in the big city.” I replied and hugged her again.

We then moved to a coffee shop nearby and continued with our endless chatter and updates. Time flew until Martin reluctantly and halfheartedly broke off the chat (which we girls undoubtedly monopolized) and reminded Liza that they had yet to shop for the birthday gift for his mom. So we parted ways but agreed to meet for dinner at their place the following week. Looking at them as they walked to the parking lot, I felt a sudden twinge of sadness. They have remained the same, true; and yet have changed too in some. I remembered something I have read before—

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension; and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm; childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

That quote brought me to this new understanding. Truly, we change unevenly, partially, in layers. We may be brilliant to one and childish to another person all in the same breath. We may be the cherished pumpkin of the past and yet also the modern career person of the present. A friend may tell me that I have changed in my perceptions about love and money. While another friend would tell me that I am still the homespun girl he always had known me to be. And it is true for I have indeed changed from some old held viewpoints of long ago. But have retained and treasured the same homespun values my mother has taught me when I was young. On that thought, I realized that we don’t really leave the past behind even if change moves us along in time. We take it with us to the present and on to the future. This is what people see in us mixed and mingled as change does its work in bits, portions, areas, and layers of ourselves.

So as I stood there watching Martin and Liza pull away in their Chevy, I smiled to myself and bid goodbye to the sadness felt earlier. Nothing has been lost after all. More mature and changed in some ways as they appear to be now, still Martin and Liza carry with them the traces of good old friendships of long ago. We stand connected despite change. Amazing and beautiful, isn’t it?

COMPANY OF ONE

I go through that, too, a lot. lol Funny that with all that people packed-in tight in the big city -- not one soul is there when you need him or her. Why? It's Busy, Busy, Busy! Sometimes not even your family is there for you. Oh I do understand that we all have our separate lives to live which often doesn't leave much room for other things besides. Sad but true. I've seen some of my friends go down that road and then end up feeling much more miserable than they started.

So i have decided not to take that same road. That i should learn to live with myself - like myself - love myself. And to be happy with that, i must make sure that the 'me' is worth loving. lol So I ventured out to be a better self to like and love. Nothing narcissistic about that, it's more of seeing my 'potential' (that special something which I believe everybody has within) and which perhaps I could harness and put to good use. Thus I began reading books, pursue projects or activities -- drawing, singing, playing the guitar, writing, nature tripping, reflection, explore sites and places. Be a people-person... not good to be sulking or moping alone. The world doesn't care about your loneliness, it's busy battling its cares and woes. But if you come barging in that door with good cheer, a well-informed mind, a compassionate heart, and the willingness to connect or reach out ... you'd be welcomed with a parade and big brass band!

I guess this is telling me that I can be my own good company, no need for searching far and wide. There is so much life has to offer if I'd look hard enough. It may even be on this solitary road I'm taking, who knows?! If I'd just make that effort to gather those 'pearls strewn my way' ... I may yet end up filling up my basket.

Company of one -- yeah but not really. I think there's Someone here magnificently present. :-)

DIFFICULTIES ARE MEANT TO ROUSE - NOT DISCOURAGE

"Difficulties are meant to rouse not discourage" That’s a quote from author William Ellery Channing. It’s a good one and I use it often in my chat with my daughter’s friends -- Young kids in their twenties, some searching, others struggling along life paths more often not of their choosing. Yet no matter how simply put, explained or presented to them, they still miss the point. I guess it is truly hard to understand that something as negative as a difficulty can be turned into a possibly positive thing. Not everybody can see that or swing it, it seems. It’s an old mind-set forced or thrust upon us or we’ve inherited through many generations before us.

Whenever a difficulty comes across, admittedly its impact on that person always is hugely and immensely disrupting, so disturbing and quite unsettling -- Plus the fact that it sure can hurt and hurt deep.

But what is a difficulty? I posed that question to the kids. Here’s what they say.

- When things come to a standstill and that no matter how you try it won’t budge.
- When a mountain of woes stands so high and steeper to climb
- When resources are scarce and inadequate for the challenge
- When ‘roadblocks’ appear where they shouldn’t
- When a ‘detour’ may be smart but not feasible
- When people say you can’t and you hear it said a thousand times that you come to believe it yourself
- When doors close to you and windows won’t open

Tough luck some people would say to that. Naah, I don’t believe in luck. To quote author Abraham Maslow ---

“We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities, talents, direction, missions, and callings.”


Therefore what then is required of us is to work those God-given talents and gifts towards our goals. God already knew bout difficulties when he created us, so He made sure that we would be well equipped to handle those…thus our talents.

Do you know where the real difficulty lies? It’s not in the problem itself. It’s in you. Surprised? Well, think about this. The difficulty a problem poses is more often than not surmountable and resolved with good attitude, smart planning, and hard work. But the difficulty which you present is the weight that makes your problem a bigger burden than it really is.

Not understanding the purpose of difficulties in our lives makes us lose the battle right from the beginning. If you see or approach a problem as a problem per se, that won’t get you anywhere, not even an inch closer to where you want or hope to be. Because with that attitude you become to yourself a hindrance – obstacle – drawback – impediment – weakness – disadvantage – snag which unfailingly halts your pursuit of progress. Because you set your focus and energies in seeing the difficulty rather than focusing on how you can overcome it. On the other hand, when you shake yourself out of that negative mind-set, something splendid happens. Self-assessment gives birth to self-knowledge. And wise is he who knows what he can or can’t do and doesn’t stop there but pushes himself beyond to make his ‘can do’s’ bigger and create possibilities out of his ‘can’t do’s’.

Notice something there? --That in trying to hurdle or overcome difficulties, within you and without, you have been roused to action? Action begets action ---and begets even more action. Before you realize it you’re there – where your dreams are, where you want to be.

Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. And further try think about this,

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.” ----- Seneca (3 B.C. - 65 A.D.)

FEET ARE US -- BUNIONS TOO

Have you ever thought how ugly a person’s feet are? ---Except, of course, those which regularly enjoy glorious sessions at the spa or beauty salon. Otherwise it’s the most physically battered and bruised part of the body. It gets scrapped, cut, stepped on, and also burns, ingrown nails, dead toe nails, corns, and bunions. Maltreated and abused most times by sheer common negligence and often by the wrong shoe size.

Feet are us. We’re so much like our feet; we carry ‘human’ bunions all our life --- the bunions of pride, ego, prejudices, negative feelings, idiosyncrasies, character quirks, and personal history of pain. Unlike feet bunions, these don’t heal. No, because they have entrenched themselves well in our character leaving deep scars we may carry for the rest of our life. Those things helped mold us, like it or not. But maybe we can soften it, tone it down, mellow it, or perhaps push it far back. Or restructure? Well, maybe some, a few, slow, scarcely. We may or may not be successful in trying. But like bunions on our feet, these get stepped on or rubbed frequently the wrong way in our daily lives as we interact with people, imaginary or not. See how often we get to be with each other and why we fight, hate, hurt, and deceive each other at every turn of our messed up lives. We think nothing in violating the rights of individuals in pursuit of our own selfish interests and perceived righteous beliefs. We stop at nothing when others are perceived to infringe upon ours. We rouse ourselves up to hit back fiercely in defense of what we think is right to our rigid hearts and muddled brains. We do this, don't we? And people do this to us. I have yet to find one with nary a trace of this negativity. None excluded, including me. So now still wonder why we never lack of arguments, disagreements, scandals, law suits, and wars?

So how do we handle human bunions if we can’t treat them? I don’t know; maybe you have an idea; do share. Meantime we perhaps can try using a salve or balm of understanding, mixed with kindness and a dash of tolerance. That could smooth out ruffled feelings some way. The thing to remember, I suppose, is that bunions are here to stay. It’s the whole human package, warts and all. We can’t really go on through our lives rubbing people the wrong way at every bend, no matter how we may think it’s ‘fair’ or ‘justified’, because undoubtedly there’s a lot of history behind a person’s ‘bunions’. Bruise it --- and we may be bruising his soul.

So please, don’t step on my bunions? :-)

COCKROACH IN MY TUB

Eeeyowwww Bugs!

A medium sized cockroach fell into the tub from where I don’t know. (The other times I saw a spider and a crawling something. Aaargh!!) It must have been there for quite awhile cause it didn’t seemed bothered by my presence or didn’t notice at all. And you’d think that my first instinct would be to zap it to kingdom come. Well, maybe but not yet. You see, I was glued to the little thing’s dilemma -- Further amused by the situation. Running helter-skelter blindly it seemed. Even tried up the smooth sides of the tub but slid down almost quickly. It carried on that way until finally exhausted simply stood so still. Okay, this fella needs some help, I thought to myself. So pulling out a handled brush from the cleaning tool set in the corner, I carefully made to coax the weary bug into the bristles of the brush so that I could lift it out of there. Quietly I inched the brush closer to where it was; believe me, there was nary an evil inch of intent in my soul to squash the thing at all. Oh no! But it would have garnered the full approval of the other members of the family if I did -- thumbs up or thumbs down whatever! Lol! But the silly thing won’t take my bait. Instead it ran frantically away from the brush and dodged every move I made in chase. Can you imagine that?! There it was the chance to get out of the quicksand, so to speak, but the stupid thing won’t – it just wouldn’t! Ugh!

Well, it reminds me of some friends I know. (Yeah, pal, if you’re reading this, this is all bout you.) You know, you got yourself into a huge fix. You say that you see no way out of it – down on your resources, important friends strangely out of sight, and your confidence dangerously tittering at the edge of a cliff. But the worst part is – you won’t let anyone near you. You hastily and bluntly put up barriers between yourself and your would-be savior. Is that good? --- Refusing somebody’s help when it’s just the one thing which you sorely need now.

All you can see and feel is your pain. C’mon, we’re all the same in our pain – we suffer. And we’re also all the same in wanting relief from it. You know deep inside that hard shell of yours that you want it too. So what is it which holds you back in taking that outstretched hand? Is it pride? --Ego? --Bitterness? --Anger? --Resentment? Gosh, so what else is new?! That’s as normal as my cup of cappuccino, apple pie, and pasta (of course, can’t leave that out!) Oh almost forgot, the chocolate mousse and lemonade. Yeah, tops on my list!

C’mon, don’t be stupid as that bug in my tub. Reach out to that helping hand. Grab it, by all means. Hang on to it as it tries valiantly to pull you out of there. But you have to help out too by pulling yourself up with everything you’ve got left inside of you. Oh yes, it’s still there. Gosh, a lot of things in life can be broken, knocked down and out, but not ‘it’! Because, buddy, it’s the only thing in this crazy world of ours which can stand up to the fiercest of storms. God so wisely put it there to help lift us up to safer ground. Know what its name is? H-O-P-E. Have hope, my friend, come what may. Receive hope when it’s offered you. Take it. Live it. Enjoy it. And when the opportunity comes, share it too!

Oh yeah, that silly bug in my tub? – I stunned it a wee bit just long enough to get him out of there. Last time I looked, he was scampering away to safety. lol! :-)

OUR INTERNAL GARBAGE - PURGE or STAY

As conscientious as we are in cleaning our homes, workplaces, communities, and the world—so too should we be as conscientious in cleaning up the I ME MY of ourselves. We were born into this world with our basic innate goodness-- genuine and childlike qualities of innocence, purity, kindness, gentleness-- until we started our life journey. Here our troubles began. Bit by bit, piece by piece, morsel by morsel we started gathering garbage and stored them up in our minds and hearts-- oftentimes unaware as these things sometimes seem small, trivial, and insignificant, especially as we are easily distracted by the business of career and living. The years roll by and the garbage piles up high and eventually overturn the basic goodness that was our inheritance from birth. Thus we get new labels attached to our names, such as—greedy, hard and cruel, vindictive, power-grabber, miser, pervert, selfish, envious, heartless, vulgar, and rude. There are many other labels that are hanged up on our person as we run the daily course of our lives.

Look at those labels—is that really us? -- You? -- Me? Who put them there? Well, we did that to ourselves. Great job we did, oh boy! What does it do? Let us count the ways. Accumulated garbage in our minds and hearts serve to weaken us and damage our innate goodness. It breaks up families, friendships, careers, and relationships. It creates wars of all kinds in our families, communities, and nations. It poisons our thinking, speech, and actions. In short, it is toxic like all garbage is.

How did we get that? In many ways—we took it, copied it, read and absorbed it, adopted it, espoused it, honored it, and praised it. In some cases, it was taught to us. In all this we are not blame-free because there was conscious effort in its gathering and participation. Now in the same way that our homes are kept dirty because of our laziness and neglect, so too do our minds and hearts wallow in filth and trash because we let it.

Can we change that? Of course we can, not without pain and effort, but we can. Let’s resolve to throw out our internal garbage. How do we do that? Bit by bit like all that trash has accumulated bit by bit. Let’s stop looking at our neighbor’s skin color, treat them as our equals, and junk prejudices of all kinds. Let’s stop comparing Gods and stand on one solid faith. Let’s stop trying to tear each other down but instead work to build each other up—build not destroy. Let’s stop heaping all kinds of abuse on our families and everyone else we love so dearly. Let’s extend our helping hands to the needy without any thought of reward, honor, or recognition. Let’s learn to admit our mistakes and ask pardon for it as quickly as we pardon those who have hurt us. Let’s say no to graft and corruption. And there’s many more.

Tall order? – Maybe. But we’re cleaning up our act, aren’t we? We are emptying our trash bin-- throwing out our internal garbage. And we’ll be doing that everyday without letup because some of that ugly stuff has entrenched itself into our comfort zones. It may take some time, often slow, as the universal principle that everything goes through time applies here, but we will get there. This journey is itself our reward because bit by bit each day as we travel on we are getting our true selves back— our innate goodness which is our birth right be restored.

PERFECTION IS ITS OWN END

What’s perfection? It’s an end. Maybe somebody else’s better description of perfection will come to mind but this strikes home for me.

Doesn’t perfection also mean excellence, faultlessness, flawlessness? That’s quite an attractive bunch of words indeed and it seems to have a power of its own the way it pushes many to want it for themselves. At all cost sometimes.

Is it good? I don’t know. People will have their reasons to want it; it’s all a matter of choice. But I think that it’s nothing more than the end of a challenge, a dream, a goal, a journey, growth, learning, ambition, of life.

Perfection when achieved would put an end to countless long hours – days – months or years of toiling over data and reports, the excitement of putting together an impossible project, of hearts pounding wondering if you’ve made it or not.. and so much more. All those things would be all gone because everything would be in its perfect place. What else would there be to do? In short, it ends the chase and everything it would entail for a person after a dream.

What challenge is there left in or with perfection?

Even a perfect human being can be quite a bore. There would be nothing more to discover, to be surprised with, or to be interested in anew. There would be no learning; he (or she) would be so predictable. Even in relationships. And God for him --- would be nothing but a comic book character like superman.

That could be said of things and stuff too. If things we used in our daily lives were perfect, what need would there be for invention, creativity, innovation, vision, imagination, improvement? What need would there be for dreams?

"Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person." -- Dr. David M. Burns