YOUR BLESSINGS ARE FAR MORE THAN YOUR TROUBLES

That must be hard to understand when your troubles mount like a huge tornado above your head. Exaggeration, of course, but it means only one thing – troubles suck. So I’m not going to heap on advice because that’s not what one needs when the going gets tough. Nor am I going to plug in the cliché that ‘when the going gets tough, the tough get going’. We’re not going there this time; we’re going in another direction but still on the plane of troubles.

Indisputably, trouble is on the plate on every person’s table. No one is spared although we fight it with everything we’ve got. At times we succeed in licking it, but most times it stands there immovable like a rock. So why doesn’t it leave no matter how much we want it to-- despite the tons of prayers we throw up to God? Honestly, I don’t know. But I do know one thing from my own share or experience of it -- there’s something in there for us to learn.

This is how I understand it. Trouble, problem, struggle or whatever name it is called is not the ‘enemy’. It is a friend and like a good friend, it does everything in its power to jolt us to our right senses. It shakes us to our roots to make us see and confront our weaknesses, correct what may be corrected, and move ahead with renewed resolve and fresh new hope. Troubles aren’t there to destroy or mess up life for us. We do that to ourselves using our fogged-up brains and wrong attitudes. Rather what it does is tell us that we need to stop-look-listen – because maybe something isn’t working anymore and may need to be changed.

But we seem not to see that, instead we are quick to ‘point the finger’ - heaping blame on anyone or anything, except ourselves. Well, how bout we try something different this time? How bout we shift our eyes away from what hurts us? Hard as it must be, yet what more can we lose? We’re already in the deepest mire of our woes, so if we get anymore it can’t possible hurt us more than we are hurting already. So want to give it a try?

Let’s do this then.

Whatever you’re doing, stop awhile -leave it—instead sharpen your senses and focus. See your surroundings try not to miss people or things or movement, catch the scent or scents flitting to your nostrils, feel the wind brushing your face, listen to the different sounds of life around you. Then let your mind meander through the snippets of thoughts roused by your senses come alive. Filter nothing. Instead recognize faces, occasions, experiences, memories. Now tick off in your mind those times you felt so much joy and happiness – the experiences which heightened your feelings of contentment and peace – the love and devotion of family and friends – the excitement of achievement and success – the satisfaction of good health and wellness – the security of provision – and other God-given fortune and pleasure in life.

Pretty soon you will be smiling with those memories. Not only because you remembered but because your heart has grown lighter – happier. The troubles you have been feeling will then seem to be pushed far to the back – forgotten in the joy of the moment.

There’s a name to what you’re doing, ‘counting your blessings’. If you look closely at the list you have ticked off, you will see that they are many—and if you break it down some more, it will double-up in number. See how it works? Your blessings are far more than your troubles. God made sure of that from the start.

So how then can one or two problems put you down – when you’ve got ten or twenty good things on your side working for you? Isn’t that more than enough to get you energized and recharged to get back on track again? Won’t that even spur you anew to more creative and aggressive solutions to your problems? And when you have triumphed or conquered at the end, you may even find yourself appreciating your troubles as blessings, too. Perhaps then-- that is the lesson and the reason for all our troubles after all.

So shall we start counting blessings now? I’ll race you to it.

A LIGHTED CANDLE

A lighted candle says this to us:

"You have lighted me and now you gaze into my flame. You enjoy the warmth and brightness that I spread. I'm happy to be useful and to burn for your pleasure. Otherwise, i would just be lying idle in some box on a shelf. I only have a meaning - a fulfillment while I am burning, although I know very well that the longer I burn the shorter I become and the nearer I get to the end of my life. And when it is all over, I know that you will say.... 'The candle is burned out.'

I know I have a choice of staying in a box and remaining unseen, untouched, and useless. Or I can burn myself out by giving light and warmth --- and hasten my death by doing so. But I find that giving is more beautiful and meaningful."

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Humans are like that candle. Either we keep boxed up and remain cold and empty ---- or we mix with people and share our warmth and love. This then gives our lives meaning.

A BELL IS NO BELL TILL YOU RING IT ...
A SONG IS NO SONG TILL YOU SING IT ...
THE LOVE IN YOUR HEART WAS NOT PUT THERE TO STAY,
LOVE IS NOT LOVE TILL YOU GIVE IT AWAY.
(Anon.)

THE TRUE JOY OF LIFE IS THE TRIP

I was rummaging through my old files today with the intent to trim it down to the barest essentials; the unimportant would go straight to the garbage bin when I stumbled on this very old article quoted in a daily local paper by a well-known columnist. It was entitled ‘THE STATION’ and written by Robert J. Hastings.

To quote..

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Life is something like this.

We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We see ourselves on long trip, but uppermost in our minds is the final destination. We fret restlessly, damning the minutes that drag … waiting, waiting for the station. “When we reach the station that will be it: we cry.

Life has many stations, like:

- When I’m 18

- When I buy a new 450 SL Benz

- When I put the last kid through college

- When I have paid off the mortgage

- When I get the promotion

- When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after

But …

Sooner or later we must realize there is NO station, no one place to arrive at once-and-for all. THE TRUE JOY OF LIFE IS THE TRIP. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.

It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. REGRET AND FEAR ARE TWIN THIEVES WHO ROB US OF TODAY.

So …

stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less.

LIFE MUST BE LIVED AS WE GO ALONG. The station will come soon enough.

Unquote.

WORKING TOGETHER FOR A BETTER YOU

Here’s a little story.

I had a dream one night.

I saw myself standing on bare dry ground not a mountain or tree in sight -- nothing there but an odd-looking weighing scale. Odd with huge and I say huge, empty plates. Then out of nowhere appeared an old but distinguished looking man with long gray beard that oddly touched the ground. He looked at me with nary an expression on his old wisdom-lined face and raised his right hand in the air. I followed his hand, looked, but saw nothing there. Then he lowered it pointing to the right empty plate on the scale. Soon enough the plate began to fill with the events of my life – the good memories of my life. One by one it filled the plate now almost overflowing. I smiled at the thought of those wonderful moments of the past I dare not ever forget. The scale tipped down apparently under the weight of its load and thereby raised the opposite empty plate high.

I waited for the old man; I felt the show wasn’t finished yet. The opposite plate was still empty. As if reading my thoughts, he raised his left hand the same way he did with his right. It seemed like he was gesturing something or to someone unseen to begin. And similarly when he pointed to the left empty plate, it right away began to fill with the other side of my past – the sad memories there. As it piled one after the other on the plate, I felt my tears fall. The hurt and pain I could not deny despite leaving it all behind with time. I noticed then that the scale stood evenly at that point. It stayed there so still.

Then he spoke.

“Both the good and the bad times of your life stand equal on the scale. Neither is greater or lesser than the other; both stand invaluable in the work that they do in you. Be grateful for the good that happens and ... be humble in your misfortunes when they occur because both essentially equally work together to create a better ---you.”

The End.

APPRECIATE CELEBRATE THE GOOD PEOPLE AND FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE

Oh, don't we all get to meet so many different people in this life journey. I have been so lucky to have met and found good people and formed lasting friendships with them. It can never be disputed that wonderful friendships bring wonderful joys and precious memories to last a lifetime.

And yet on the other hand, one does get some rotten apples mixed in there somewhere in the same social basket. oh yes! admittedly a few have managed to make life miserable for me at some points --- behaved in a manner which caused unnecessary pain, hurt. 'Have no idea if they felt any remorse for their behavior then or if they were ever aware if at all. But they taught me something about bad people in our midst. The rule is stay far away - clear far away from them. They can break your heart.

When I was seriously contemplating possible options of crushing the 'enemy' (lols).... I realized that it wasn't the right approach. Of course I couldn’t let the few rotten ones ruin the rest of the bunch -- the good apples in my basket. And neither have them ruin or snuff-out my enjoyment of a basket full of so much good. Good friends and friendships are a rarity, as everybody knows, and certainly are lovely treasures worthy of keeping. I meant to keep my treasures.

So remembering mom's words -- 'sift through the grains to get to the best', I wrote them off my life with these final words ... "I'm done with you"... turned my back and walked away.

We should choose our friends. But because we do get both good and bad apples in the same basket ... resolve to leave those who you discover cannot measure up. And treasure wonderful people who give genuine meaning - honor - and value to the word 'friend' and 'friendship'. Appreciate and celebrate good people and friends. They are part of life’s treasures and blessings.

A good friend is a gift from God.

TROUBLES LIKE RAIN MUST FALL

Trouble comes like rain, so I've been told. But there is no trouble-free life. really. Not even for Bill Gates or the Queen of England. There’s no guarantee that things won’t go wrong, malfunction, break down, go off tangent or totally miss the mark because it does and will. Rain pours down equally on the good and the bad, the rich and the poor, the sick and the healthy, on tattered threads, and on your best Sunday suit. Troubles, like rain, don’t choose their target; no distinctions made, everybody is fair game.

That’s just what I hate about it. I wish that it would pick the likes of a Princess of Someplace or the Maharajah of a kingdom. Lol But, please, spare little ole me-- an ordinary small unknown teeny-weeny person that could very well go through life unnoticed and rocking nobody’s world! But alas it does pick on me, too, and so with every blob of head inhabiting the face of the earth. Why? Because!

Exactly, there’s no plausible explanation why. Troubles come, like it or not, and no amount of pleading or sweet talk can make it skip you. It’s not like .....

'Hey Mr. Trouble, if I promise to clean up my room, eat my vegetables, and love my enemies, will you NOT come to my door?’

You know what it’ll say to that? “Sure, buddy, clean up your room -- the garage, too; devour your vegetables till you puke; and love your enemies till they drop dead incredulous over you --- BUT I’m coming just the same!”.

Troubles like rain must fall. Can you believe that?!! SOMEBODY stop the world and let me out!! :-)

SAIL THROUGH LIFE WITH GOD AS YOUR ANCHOR

No matter how you look at it, God’s presence is in everything. I can’t imagine seeing something in which God didn’t form or create with His own hands. Or have planned. Everything good comes from Him. As for the seemingly ‘bad’ which happens to people to life, I expect opposing points of view. I have no intention though to argue because it is alright to have different perceptions on the matter. My idea is that seeing God’s hand in ‘misfortune’ can be understood with the heart, not with the mind. Ofttimes we've been told that everything happens for a reason. Just as Ravi, blogger friend, said in his blog 'there are no accidents' in life. I believe so too.

Whatever the name each of us may know Him to be, he still is the same one God who holds us individually and collectively --regardless of race, color, or creed -- right there in the palm of his able hands.

You know, although God gave us our minds, I think He operates on the level of our hearts. This is where we can easily talk with Him and through which He prefers to communicate with us. So if you are seeking for reasons or explanations to your 'misfortunes', seek it in your heart. You'll find your God there and have your chat with Him. It works.

I have gone through many storms in my life but I learned to anchor my heart on God. Strong furious winds buffeted my sails and huge waves rocked my ship but truly my anchor kept me safe and steady through it all. Honestly, I won't have it any other way!

ON FIRE FOR THE RIGHT REASON

A wrinkled old man bent down over a heap of dry leaves and other debris and lit it up in fire. That done he stepped back and watched the flames gobble up and destroy everything it laid its consuming fiery hands on. Fire is dangerous and yet fire has many good attributes to it too – cooks our food, warms our cold bodies, heats up our homes in winter, and other beneficial things in the name of development and progress.

I'm curious though, what about the fire in the souls of men and women? Is it a fire which consumes itself in its small narrow self-centered world? Or is it one which can scorch without thought or conscience anyone who draws near? Or does it pave destruction along its way with evil intent? What kind of fire do people nurture in their hearts?

One thing I do know…

'Tis better to raise the fire of good in your hearts. Fan the flames to better other people’s lives, warm them with your goodness where they are cold and neglected by the world. Let your fire burn fiercely in pursuit of better hopes and dreams not only for yourself but for others too. Take your fire to greater heights where your light can best shine through to others in service and compassion.

Let yourself be on fire for the right reason ---with peace and harmony, honesty and truth, hope and faith, brotherhood and fair play, mercy and gentle compassion for the underprivileged and deprived, determination and hard work. Shine brightly for others to see how blessed is the fire of good and how so much more blessed it is living a good life!

YOU'RE MUCH BETTER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR

Don’t be afraid to make honest mistakes. So you think that the world will stop on its tracks because you bungled up? Or that your friends will think you stupid or a loser? Or that you will disappoint dozens of relatives and other people who think so highly of you and your talent? Excuse me, but I remember when I was burning over some mistakes, my mom simply said to me that --

"...the best lessons come wrapped in blunders, mistakes, failures, and errors. Because only then will you be able to smooth the rough edges of your character, hone your talents to perfection, and grow into the person you were meant to be --in God’s blueprint of your life."

Thus how then can I, or anyone for that matter, ever become this entire gorgeous package if not through the fire of disappointment, failure, and mistakes?! But she too warned me that it was going to hurt. I then countered -- "Oh okay, but isn’t the sun better and brighter after the rain? Don't rainbows too appear after? I'll set my eyes on that." And she gave me her brightest smile.

Be gentle to yourself. Don’t be quick to blame yourself when things go wrong in your life. Don’t bash yourself so hard believing that you did so badly and you deserve to be thrown into the fire and be devoured by the flames! Dump that attitude. I don’t buy that.

Just because you made a mistake, does not make you a mistake. If you fail in one area of your life --- you still have the rest to shine in! Besides it’s not all your fault because bad situations do come to people, jerks may cross your path, and other people’s bad decisions could affect yours. So why blame it all on yourself? Does that make sense now? Be good to yourself – you’re much better than you give yourself credit for!

YOU AND NOT YOUR DIPLOMA WILL MAKE YOUR FUTURE

Don’t let your college persona determine who you will become. This is something I’d like to say to a friend’s son who can’t find a job – yet. He took up engineering and he feels that everything seems to be blocking him from becoming one. Now that's being shortsighted. Gosh, it's not rare to see engineers work themselves up to the position of Vice President of the Sales Department... or become a very successful media man.

Let me quote this from something I read just recently ------–

To quote --- “ …Unless you really loved who you were in college. It doesn’t matter if you were the nerd, the dumb jock, the bully or the wallflower. College is over and your new life is beginning. Now is the time for reinvention if you deem it necessary. Think Madonna—but maybe not her cone bra phase. If you were the wallflower, break out of your shell. If you were the bully, try to be nicer. The world is waiting -- try to be the best person you can be. Make good decisions. Remember, the decisions you make after college have real-life consequences.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean that you waste your education away. What I’m saying is --- you can’t let it determine you or your future. There is so much more that you can do, not just being what you studied for. That’s a mind set that's limiting you.

Further quote --– “The school you graduated from does not determine the quality of your future.There are still small-minded companies that only accept applicants from the supposed top universities but don’t let that stop you. Just because you came from one of the more popular schools doesn’t mean you can rest easy. And it doesn’t matter either if you came from a school that no one else has heard about. It is you, and not your diploma, that will make your future.” --- Unquote.

There you go. I rest my case. :-)

OUR CLUTTER FROM WITHIN AND WITHOUT

Hmm, I'm on a thinking and writing streak on this particular fine morning walk. Let's see what we've come up with this time. Rounding the bend I come upon.... - A young girl sweeping away fallen leaves … Quite in an efficient and meticulous way she sweeps the fallen leaves on the ground bringing them all to a mound on the shoulder of the road. What does she do with this? Well, maybe put them all in the trash can or light them up with a match to burn away in flames. I suppose she does this everyday. But it's only this morning that I see her outside her house. It always looks so quiet whenever I pass this area of the neighborhood.

Funny to think of it, but can we do the same with the clutter in our lives or those in our minds – hearts – souls? We have gathered so much clutter though life that we can’t see nor think nor feel straight anymore. Everything seems shrouded or clouded with dirt, suspicion, perversion, doubt and mistrust, twisted and slanted, distortion, untruth and lies, envy and jealousy, ego and pride, and sometimes downright evil.

Oh don’t tell me that it isn’t true cause all you have to do is look around you and see what’s happening near and far. The world is a big mess and we have made it so. And the funnier thing is, we blame a lot of things outside of ourselves, pointing our finger to failed institutions, policies, laws, systems etc and etc – like we have nothing to do with the state of our world or life.

Think again. Who runs the affairs of the world? Who runs these institutions we so speak of? Who runs life in this self-destructive human form? People! And people is you and me and others – us! So if nobody (meaning us people) would at least try to clear up that clutter within and without, we are all going to explode one day –--- in one big bang!

Maybe this is what is meant by the ‘end of the world’??? Quite a pessimistic point of view I must agree, but doesn’t that make some sense too? Think about it.

NURTURE SELF - OTHERS - ENVIRONMENT - THE WORLD

An early morning walk does wonders to one's soul --- if you let it. This one morning cool and crisp brought me to usual paths and neighborhood. A familiar figure caught my attention as I walked passed by. ----

- A middle-aged housewife watering her small modest garden … Such a lovely garden kept lush and green, flowers in bloom in every nook and cranny of the small lot all cared for by her nurturing hand. She looked happy, content, serene, at peace with her little corner of the world.

Come to think of it, isn’t that quite so much what a human being needs– this kind of nurturing of body, mind, and soul?

A human being can’t always cope fully alone by himself in this world of continuing change and challenge. Can you imagine just how and what a well-meaning word of encouragement, hope, faith, care, inspiration, stimulation, motivation can do to another person weak in his own resources, power, and strength? It can take so little to create miracles. Believe this. The power is in you to do just that.

People need nurturing too and other things besides– homes, family, children, old folks, friends, relationships, ambition and dreams, business, projects, organizations, companies, towns, countries, pets, environment, etc and etc. Life and all that it affects undoubtedly need nurturing and constant care no matter what.

How can there be continuity in our lives if everything is allowed to wither away and die alone all by itself? Continuity or life is sealed with a huge hunk of nurturing. And I'll say it again --- the power is in you, me, us --- to do just that.

WEEDS ARE NO MORE THAN FLOWERS IN DISGUISE

The paths I walk round the mountain slopes are lined with weeds, ugly weeds, bare and useless. Let me ask you this --- What are the weeds in your life today? Is it a disappointment, a falling of hopes and dreams, a betrayal, a failed or false expectation, an obnoxious person who makes life thorny for you, or a dead-end? Does that all make you want to give up? Willing to gather those weeds and throw them into the furnace? Wait! I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

No matter how much suffering or pain these things may have caused you, it can still be a source of joy and beauty. But only IF you agree and decide to look again AND hard enough. There’s something you are undoubtedly missing. Behind the bad times and worse struggles and difficult people around you are the unseen opportunities for growth in wisdom and maturity.

I’ve said this many times before and I will say it again – only through the fire shall we become even better. So, it may be necessary to experience bad times or the hopeless dead-ends -- so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can come out of it, and watch how you can grow from small to greatness.

The weeds that you see in your life – are actually dazzling flowers in disguise. Gorgeous flowers of wisdom, hope, faith, growth, courage, strength, and dreams renewed again and again. Truly a weed is no more than a flower in disguise. Don’t pluck out your weeds ----- just reveal the flower within.

YOU MAY THINK NOTHING HAS CHANGED -- BUT NOT REALLY

So here I am back at my computer over the familiar key board with the intent to write. Well, the intent to write and actual writing are two different things I’ve found out. You can muster up all the intent you may need to write but often it doesn’t usually fall into actual writing--- while writing sometimes doesn’t need serious intent. Strange -- but not really. It happens. :-) Now let’s get on with this and see what the Muses have been churning up in my recent brief hiatus.

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I started the day with the usual early morning walk up-down the slopes and round this residential area one of many dotting the hills of Antipolo. Gazing round I could say that nothing has changed really. The houses look the same, the people do the same things every morning, the trees are still there, and the same black Doberman ‘greets’ me with a booming gruff bark as I pass his private domain. Thank God for the huge steel gate this keeps him from tearing me up to pieces lolz. Anyway as I continued my walk with those thoughts, these words came into mind ---

“While we flatter ourselves that things remain the same, they are changing under our very eyes from year to year, from day to day.” (Charlotte Perkins Gilman)

So--- where then is this change I do not see? So I stopped walking--- let my eyes roam seeking that ‘change’ so spoken of. Fortunately I stood on a high vantage point which allowed me a good vista of my neighborhood—my place called home. From my left I saw all sorts of trees – tall, in various shapes and sizes, and in the deep darkest of green. But wait…the color seemed to have gone lighter in spots. Are those new leaves sprouting? How interesting! Whoa! Is that a new paint on Mr. Benny’s gate? -- Didn’t see that before. Hey, somebody’s building a new house down at the end of the road. Why didn’t I notice that?! Oh boy, what used to be a vine of flat disc-shaped leaves draping the fence of a friend’s house, now has white blossoms in its midst. Lovely! I almost missed it. I continued my survey of the now interesting landscape of nature, houses, and people before me. My eyes hovered over the area like radar seeking out unfamiliar objects but this time with fresh anticipation of something new. I was greatly rewarded with priceless treasures that no longer stood hidden to me but was revealed by my willingness to see. Yet my curiosity was even more aroused when I began to wonder – apart from things, just what change goes on inside the person. I smiled at the thought of immense possibilities that could transpire in the minds and hearts of people. Indeed, subtly or visibly, change happens outside of us and within us no doubt. Because things and people grow – develop. Change is growth. Life is all about change – is all about growth – is all about us moving from one place to another. In that movement we leave behind bits of our layers and at the same time take on new ones sprouting to replace the old. We evolve, transform, progress, improve, mature, and learn-unlearn-relearn. This is our change. This takes place under our very eyes from year to year, from day to day.

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” ---- (Henri Bergson) Well, I think this morning's walk gave me more than I had hoped for. I was proceeding down the slope heading for home when Mrs. Reyes, the neighborhood gossip, saw me and engaged me in a chat or should I say ‘gossip’. Not wanting to be rude I let her have her ‘chat’. Anyway, this lady is part of the ‘landscape’ too lolz. As she babbled away, I listened and intently watched her face. Wrinkles etched deeply at the corners of her eyes-- and silver locks of hair mingled with her usual dark tresses. ‘Changed’, I thought.

“You know I saw Mia’s daughter the other day at the mall. Remember she got married to this young army officer the other year? She’s your godchild, right?” spoke Mrs. Reyes breaking up my thoughts.

“Yes, so how is she now?” I replied.

“Oh but she hasn’t changed a bit. She has remained the same girl we knew so well when she was here living with her mom.”

“Remained the same? How wonderful!”… And I smiled.

But of course I knew better. Things and people may remain the same – but not really. At that point, I took my leave and walked on home. Rounding the corner I looked back briefly and there she was ---‘chatting’ with another friend. Maybe some things do not change – but then again not really.

ACKNOWLEDGE IT BUT DON'T DWELL ON SUFFERING

(Picture was taken by my daughter with her camphone)

Suffering or troubles come to us, like it or not, irrespective of age or wit. For instance, an injustice is done, tough luck persists, loved ones die, one loses a house in the fire, a marriage crumbles, you get fired from work, you find out you gave birth to a retarded child, or an accident dooms you to the wheelchair for life. Now wisdom tells us to just let it ride. Let the pain hit you --- you’ll hurt for sure. You’re allowed to do that after the initial shock but --- sooner or later you have to pull yourself together. Indefinite ranting is simply expelling lots of air and nothing more. Not always smart to go up against the tide, some problems are that overwhelming that fighting it would destroy you even more.

Yes, but--- neither is it smart to dwell on your ‘suffering’. You let it ride but you don’t have to wallow in it. It can’t be your entire fault. C’mon, give yourself a break. This is a big wide world and this is a huge life with lots of things in it--- so much good can happen and also so much could go wrong at any time. Can you take a handle on everything just so it comes out right when it does? Never! So simply acknowledge the troubles, recognize them as part of life, consider them as part of ‘learning’, or look at it as ‘signboards’ steering you into another direction perhaps better.

Acknowledging it is so much different from punishing yourself over your misfortune. Everything that comes to us, good or bad, is for a reason (though for a time I had some difficulty understanding that). Although that may be a hackneyed phrase—but a reason perceptibly lies behind it. We may not see it yet, but it will show itself at the appropriate time it does. Believe me-- we’re better off believing that ---because ‘troubles’ sure have a particular way of knocking good sense down and out of us. Can’t let that happen, can we? :-)

TOUGH TIMES

Just like everybody else I get tough times and tough jobs and tough people at different points in my life. When it does I draw up a blank. It seems like everything comes to a standstill and can’t be nudged forward. Plus I seem to run out of ideas or resources or sure-fire tricks to make things better. Nothing just seems to work-- crazy huh? So I let go, let it ride, let be and hope that things will be better because I let it. Well, it doesn’t always work that way.

I have learned that you have to choose to do something – do something and not do ‘nothing’! Letting it be is plain laziness and it certainly doesn’t improve the situation or relationship one bit. But then that’s just where the problem lies because trying to do something is just darn so difficult! I’m up against my own arguments, or of listening to that of others, and of my stubborn streak to hang on to my ‘comfort zones’. See? I’ve become my own ‘enemy’. To this, mom would always say “Honey, what you choose to do with them is really up to you.”

Well, I didn’t learn that overnight. I had to force myself to think through the issues--- asked myself what I really wanted to do with ‘tough luck’. But I knew this one sure thing – I may be defeated by the circumstances around me but I certainly won’t let it defeat me! So to make a long story short, I decided to do what I could with what I had. My choice wasn’t perfect but it got things moving forward--- slow perhaps but getting somewhere. :-)


Tough times -- what you choose to do with it is all up to you. Choose to win.

KNOW YOUR GOLD

Do you know what your gold is? --Or who? No, I don’t mean your jewelry or other acquired possessions. I meant those which make life easier or lovely for you or that which nobody can steal from you. Often enough we seem not to realize we hit ‘gold’ until something happens and we stand on the verge of losing it. We take a lot of things for granted, yes we do. I don’t know why it should but it just passes our attention or affection. We’re so deep in trying to make it chasing after dreams or goals ----or too absorbed in things which hoard our attention --- that we don’t notice at all.

Well, I’ll try to figure out who mine are. (Oh but I’m going to exclude my family because they hold the top revered position in any list that we may want to do.) In random order, I’ll start with --------


our neighbor across the street Mr. Noble. He is Mister Fix-It. He fixes our washing machine when it breaks down, gets my car running when it stalls, trouble-shoots the lighting fixtures when it bogs down, and other itsy-bitsy repair jobs.

Then there’s also Gigi, the beautician at my favorite parlor. She trims my hair in just the right style I want, no instruction required. She does the hair of my daughters, too, and they’re content with her skill.

There’s also this nice guy (security guard) who’s stationed at the main gate to our subdivision. Always wears a smile on his face when I go by and never fails to say a greeting or two cheerily-- helps to brighten up my day.

So too is this ‘barker’ at the taxi terminal. I take my regular rides there to and from work. He calls (barks!) out to his riding clients (like me) and leads us to the right vehicle heading to our respective destinations. Every time he sees me, he steers me to the front seat of my ride knowing very well that I enjoy sitting up front. It’s the best seat inside the vehicle ‘cause in the back you’d be crushed tight shoulder-to-shoulder like sardines in a can.

At the office, I’d include the office messenger-janitor Silver. Yup, that’s his name. Sweet guy – prompt to take the errands I send him to, come rain or shine; cleans up my space without any prompting; keeps me company when I have to work in the office late through the night; and makes sure I get my fast-food dinner without my asking him to.

These people are precious to me like gold is precious to most people. There’s more but let’s limit it to just three or else it’ll take up a whole page. So what about you – know your ‘gold’? :-)

LIFE IS A POT OF STEW

Do you know what goes in a pot of stew? I’m not a cook but I can see that bits and pieces of all sorts go into it. You’ve got meat, vegetables, spices, water, etc. And it all gets mixed up together and the fire cooks it up to just right. So is life. We too get all bits and pieces of all sorts of things and experiences which get intertwined in our lives each day. We get knocked up and down and around in that mix which then makes us lose our bearing or hold in life. Easily we can lose ourselves in it.

But wait! It doesn’t happen for no good reason. Look hard, think hard. Every bit of what may seem ‘scrap’ to you – bits here and there – are actually lending interest to the whole of things. Get it? Those odds and ends are just the spice that livens up your life. Every different thing in that odd mix makes its own contribution to the whole effort --- life! And what creates it into a delicious whole? Attitude – it’s the fire that cooks it up to just right. It helps us appreciate hidden beauty and truths, makes us see where true value lies, and delight in the way it all blends up to create a delicious sumptuous pot of stew – oh yes, life is indeed a pot of stew. :-)

LIFE SETS NO GUARANTEES

A big yes to that one. You can’t really be too sure that your job would last you forever (can you?), that nothing will go wrong, that it won’t rain on your parade, or that your fortunes will stay strong, or that your health will not fail one day, or that no one will oppose your plans, or that your daughters will marry good men (ugh! Wish I knew). There is no guarantee that it won’t.

So if that is the case, why continue with this business of living? Well, for the simple reason that because of its uncertainties, we are thus pushed to enjoy what we have --- do what we can with what we have now. There is wisdom in that. That means then to do whatever it is you do now with everything you’ve got. Be the best. Give it your best shot. Value the people you are with and treasure every precious moment that goes by. Relish beauty where you find it. Learn well whatever there is to learn. Love well when love finds you. So if and when one day things do go wrong cause there’s no guarantee that it won’t, you can look back with a smile and say ‘I did my best’…. And best is always good.

EXPECTATIONS -- DON'T LET IT ROB YOU OF WONDER AND MAGIC

Like many, I start out with a set of expectations for every new experience coming my way. But almost always these expectations get dumped or brushed aside , yes. Why? Because something else is being formed or brought forth and it becomes a whole new experience. But if I so stubbornly held on to my expectations, it would have come out in a far different way according to ‘my’ wants, ‘my’ set of parameters or conditions, and ‘my’ desired results. Where is the thrill in that?

‘Expectations’ rob the thrill off a new experience. Yes, they do. And if you’re going to say that one can’t really detach himself from having expectations on anything new, I’ll say yes to that, but…..let those expectations be tempered with the understanding that things will happen when they happen without any help from you. So don’t try to color it with setting down expectations. Let the new experience ride. Let it reveal to you its wonder, beauty, joy, magic, adventure, delight, wisdom, truth in its own distinct way. Let it perhaps squeeze out of you feelings which you may have forgotten or have chosen to ignore. Let it alter some old preconceived notions about things and people and make you see that perhaps you have been wrong about them after all?

Expectations are good but don’t let it stand in the way of wonder and learning.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ABILITY OR INABILITY...

..... IT’S ABOUT AVAILABILITY. When my three daughters were perky little kids running here and there all over the house and I, as a working mom, was working my butt off at the office, there were days when the maid would call me up and tell me that one of the kids was running a fever or the other wasn’t eating her food, or the eldest won’t go to school. Well, in matters of illness, I’d have no second thoughts bout rushing home. My boss would have to put up with that one, like it or not. Other than that, I’d have the maid bring the errant little one to the phone and we’d talk. In this instance, the naughty little angel would spill her heart out and I’d be there glued to my seat listening while the clock was ticking off the minutes like a taxi meter. Yet it was worth it all. I knew she was smiling when the conversation finally ended. A mother can sense that easily.

I wasn’t trained to be a mother; no woman is ever prepared to become one. Even if you have seen your mother, aunts, grandmother, and lady friends do it… it’s never really learned until you are in it yourself. But the one great lesson I have learned is this --- be available. No matter if you’re late in the night preparing for a sales meeting the following morning, when she comes to you for whatever reason – stop what you’re doing and be with her. She’s the number one person in your life --- so let her know it! You can’t be Perfect Mom, but you can be Available Mom! And that is certainly perfect, no matter how you look at it.

GOOD IS ALWAYS HAPPY

My favorite character Dory in 'Finding Nemo'.

To most people, happiness means a new dress, a sumptuous dish, honor and recognition, money, good education, a network of influential people, a big house, three cars, jewelry, travels around the world, or an expensive vacation. Well and good. But it could also mean many other different things. A person is made happy by things which bring him pleasure -- pleasure which could also include addiction, perversion, or imprudent passion. This is happiness too but of the kind that could end up in bad situations or create bigger problems. Heard stories of lives ruined, relationships fragmented, and character shattered to pieces? Happiness, this way, is not good.

How does it feel having helped an old lady cross a busy street? Or stayed and patiently listened to your friend pouring out her worries and woes? Or gave your old clothes to the poor in your community? Or helped a co-worker finish a project running late on schedule? Whatever the kind deed or good word, no matter how small you may think it to be, good always lands you on a happy note. Even if you may not start out happy because it may have created a big dent on your pocket, sapped your energy, time, and resources. But when you see the grateful smile on the old lady’s face who you helped carry the bags, or watched the glimmer in the eyes of a poor lady when she received the new clean clothes you gave her so much unlike her own frayed rags, or listened to your friend thanking you profusely for helping finish the job in the nick of time…. you’ll feel like top of the world --- wearing the widest grin this side of town!

Believe me, good always makes you happy. Always!

SILENCE CAN BE KINDER

Passing on unverified information hurts two people. One is the object of the information… and the other is the carrier of the information. Saying something about another person must be guided by three things. Ask these three questions. Is it necessary on the present situation? Is it kind? Is it true? You may know something to be true about the person, but if it has no bearing on the issue at hand, why bother to say it? You might just be compounding the issue further.

Honesty is good but if done with irresponsible frankness, it can do more harm than good. Honest criticism should be tempered with kindness. Why rub it in when the person is already hurting inside. Speak the truth with love. The true sign of a person’s maturity is learning when to speak and what to say. And may I add how to say it.

I’m sure you’ve noticed this -- when you point your finger towards another, one finger points outward but three fingers point back at you, too. In much the same way can passing on unverified information hurt you. When this information is found out to be false maybe at a later time, everybody then begins to seek out who spread it - where it came from. And when traced back to you, it begins to affect or alter their opinion of your character. It absolutely can cut off a huge slice off it. Who’s going to want to trust you ever again? Will you be a credible person in their eyes hence? Remember that an acquired bad reputation will precede you wherever you go or whatever you do. Bad news travel fast. So then, do be careful what you say, or better yet, if you have nothing better and good to say, just please be quiet?